Where to go ..

I have heard the argument about the richness of the cultures in the east versus the ones of the west ever so often. But, from the perspective of an ordinary working man, looking towards the world to find a good country to settle in, this argument has a lot of bearing.

As I move through life as a working professional, I come across several problems that countries in the developing world will take eons to overcome. Customer service, standard of living, respect, manners etc. are higher order things that are foolish to expect in nations where clean drinking water is not available to all.

Hence I look around to find a country where I might want to spend the summers and winters of my middle age. I have travelled and lived in several developed countries and there is no doubt that the US is the easiest to go and settle in. But why? Well, 'they have a lot of tolerance to outsiders' is the common explanation. But why is that? Well, since they have a very simple, almost non-existent cultural history. Most of the culture is metropolitan, modern which is almost similar to metros in other countries as well. Hence, easy transportability and adaptability. I feel that the argument can be partly tranlated to the other side of the world - Australia and New Zealand.

Europe is a tougher area to adapt in. Precisely because they have social customs that are older, and would require a concious, forced attempt by an outsider to adapt and adopt to. The serenades of Spain, the family bonds of italy, the naked saunas of Finland or the sincere hardworking culture of Germany are things that have no logical reason for existence but have been passed through generations. One can argue that one need not adopt them and just be an outsider who lives in that country. But that just saps the juice out of living at a place. I am looking at a time-span of around 30 years of life in such a location. Not adapting to the system is not an option.

And discussing the east is just belaboring the point. If the culture of europe was not a bottleneck enough, the customs of food and drink of the east coupled with a strong culture of their own are much much more of a deterrent. There are developed countries there as well - S. Korea, Taiwan, Japan. But, it takes a special kind of constitution to adapt to eating raw octopus and snails for lunch. And neither does one wish to raise a family in a country with a questionably healthy (?) and socially accepted appetite for pornography.

The journey more than the destination

Travel is a great antidote of ADHD. Tonight I travel from Hyderabad to Banglore in a bus.

People ask me why I didnt take a plane. Am I cheap? Maybe :) But in reality, and I speak with several years of travelling alone, the experience is like no other. A train or a bus bring you so close to the road with no need to concentrate on keeping the damn vehicle going.

I sit still in my comfortable semi-sleeper chair and compose this post listening to a few music videos on the side. Its not pitch black outside even though there are no street lights on the road since the occasional village houses on the road keep their porch (?)lights on at night.

The road seems so much nicer than the city. As the bus rolled in through the bylanes of Hyderabad, to miserably attempt to fill the seats with any tom-dick-and-harry with enough cash (some probabaly didnt even want to go to banglore), you see dogs and men sleeping on the same pavement. Yes, nothing new, nothing novel. But that is why the road seems so much nicer. You dont see this misery on the open expanse of the road. Even if you do, it passes by so quickly, that you hardly get any time to register it.

What you see is a lot of green and a lot of freshness of the shrubbery. And what you sit in is a well air conditioned cabin from which to observe it. Who wouldn't enjoy it?

A purposeful malady

I have an ailing mother in the hospital currently and we are struggling to find a diagnosis for her disease. She is an old cancer patient and the prospect of its relapse is very disconcerting

As an attendant, I try to rationalize with her rather than make empty promises because they dont give any peace to anyone - her or me. I asked her plainly and simply the other day whether she looks forward to further life? Surreal, yes. But I feel its an important question to point out to the patient psychologically that there is merit in withstanding the current pain for a brighter tomorrow. However, it backfired since she replied in the negative. She said that there was really not much to look forward to anymore. If she were to pass by without any pain, she will still be ok.

Quite depressing. Yes. But you could justify through some hoops of arguments that a housewife of 60 living in a small shanty town (Patna) probably does not have any unfinished achievement to aspire towards that might hold life dear to her.

But then that makes me think of the individual of 28 that writes this column and the friends surrounding him. After having ticked all the degrees in the checklist, and after having settled down to a job that covers the bills and funds the occasional travel, what ties him to existence?

Yes, maybe I am especially twisted since I am picky about socialization. But even the social butterfly of a friend of mine, who spends evenings soaked in alcohol does not have a goal. Even the travel freak who enjoys stays on treetops in a godforsaken jungle for days on end does not really have a goal. I argue that the burden of existence is so great that just running away from boredom is a full time activity in itself. After all, boozing and partying is not about an academic interest in the varieties of alcohol, its just a way to pass time in a fun way. Similarly, travelling, with all empty arguments of expansion of the mind etc etc, is not to chronicle the experiences in a travel journal.. its just a way to please ones own senses - visual, taste, nasal or physical.

I think two socially applauded ways people run away from boredom are work and marriage. Social constructs support both pursuits very well. But I think people who glorify work or their spouse's life as a goal in itself are just blissfully unaware that they are just puppets.

This discussion ties in to the patient mentioned above since I had to rush the last weekend to be at her side. And I realized after a day or two that there was actually nothing better that I could think of doing over the weekend if were free, than being there. I am not talking about a filial obligation. I am actually saying that the sense of purpose was so much more being there than anything else I might have done over the free days I had. Now that I am back, and I try to list what I can do with today's evening or the days to come, I unsurprisingly fall short of anything worthwhile that is not an excuse to cut through boredom.

I wish everyone well - them and their family. But if there are those few who find it tough to spend time when someone close gets sick, I would ask them to ask themselves if they really really have anything else to do that is not just a ruse to run away from boredom. If no, then be there for the patient. But if yes, indeed there is a non-anti-boredom goal that you need to suspend for being there, feel happy that your goal is truly worthwhile having been evaluated through strict conditions but still holding its ground.

Being fair about this city

People complain about the Delhi culture a lot. I am currently reading a book (compilation of articles) called 'Single in the City' set in Delhi. The authoress, a bengali, chronicles her experiences as a journalist in Delhi.

Her comments remind me again of the heap of dissaproval that is loaded on the people of this city. Yes, there are some facts that are truly right. But then there are some facts that are localized and could be true of any other city as well.

The facts that hold true, and maybe are very characteristic of Delhi are as follows:

a. People are gruff and impolite: Its true. It is not a city for the light hearted southerner (including bombayites). As soon as you land, straight out of the gate, you are greeted by this careless demeanor by the taxi/autowalla. The shopkeeper, the worker, the passerby - all of them will greet you with an agrresive, no intent of pleasing anyone, undertone.

b. People are sarcastic: Its true. But it keeps you on your toes. I have personally felt that they dont really mean it, its just a style of talking. They almost expect a retort to carry the conversation forward. This is certainly not true of the southern states. The autowalla in Pune would be reduced to tears with such an exchange of words

c. People are showy: I dont think all of them are. Yes, there are a significant numeber of rich people who blow air kisses and address each other as 'darlings' and 'babes'. But then the number may vary from one metro to another (barring Kolkata which has ceased to be a metro anymore) but each city has this section of people. In fact, there is a significant mejority in Delhi who would laugh at your face if they were witness to such a show.

As an individual however, I enjoy the style and dressing-up which Delhites subject themselves to. After all, who doesnt like to walk on a street with good looking, well dressed people on it. As long as I am not required to dress up like it, who cares. I try to dress as well as the average looking person, so as to not push the average down.

The one other than the patient

When you come close to the illness of close-ones, there are several things that come to your mind.

The first is the diagnosis. How to identify the malady and plan the best medical course of action. But when these first steps are taken, you come across the more subtle, next ones.

You then turn your attention to the person who is in the immediate vicinity of the patient. Yes, the suffering of the patient is not in question. But, the immideate caregiver sometimes goes unnoticed. He/She is also mentally burdened by the weight of the situation. If it is a serious disease, then he faces into its eyes almost as much as the patient. Maybe even a little more so, since the responsibility of choosing a sound plan of action is often trusted upon him rather than the sick and weak.

Humans are humans. Yes, even the closest ones are only that. One can only hope that the conditioning through life and the values that one is taught through his formative years will truly come into light in such hardships. Love, affection and moral responsibility are the pillars on which the caregiver's efforts to stand by a patient rest on. Disease breaks the routine and challenges the steady flow of life. It takes strong moral conditioning on his part to keep everything on the side and focus on the job at hand, to stop the unrelenting march of the disease.

Generous with praise

People rarely sway towards the dark side. If it has to be black and white, people indulge in white generously. After all, it is just not politically current to be critical when there is no harm to tell a white lie in the positive.

I cartoon. I am fairly okay but there are big gaps in my skill-set. I am lousy with animals. Most of my cartoons are frontal and I find it a little difficult to go the normal way with a pencil sketch and then bold lines on top, which means a lot of errors and cover ups. However, I am always surprised at the heaps of praise laid on top of me from people who witness my creations.

Why? Well partly because people like me and its nice to compliment something pretty. But, then there are those who are willing to swear by my talent and seem to fall head over heels to my creations. For those people - give it a rest! A polite comment is well taken as it is usually meant - 'Hey Sumit, that looks pretty, hope you become even better at it'. However, heaps of praise mean either of two things - 'Hey Sumit, I have such poor taste that this looks like a masterpeice to me' OR ' Hey Sumit, I just want to be in your good books so I'll call your average creations awesome'. Take your pick, oh you generous with compliments friend(s) of mine.