A purposeful malady

I have an ailing mother in the hospital currently and we are struggling to find a diagnosis for her disease. She is an old cancer patient and the prospect of its relapse is very disconcerting

As an attendant, I try to rationalize with her rather than make empty promises because they dont give any peace to anyone - her or me. I asked her plainly and simply the other day whether she looks forward to further life? Surreal, yes. But I feel its an important question to point out to the patient psychologically that there is merit in withstanding the current pain for a brighter tomorrow. However, it backfired since she replied in the negative. She said that there was really not much to look forward to anymore. If she were to pass by without any pain, she will still be ok.

Quite depressing. Yes. But you could justify through some hoops of arguments that a housewife of 60 living in a small shanty town (Patna) probably does not have any unfinished achievement to aspire towards that might hold life dear to her.

But then that makes me think of the individual of 28 that writes this column and the friends surrounding him. After having ticked all the degrees in the checklist, and after having settled down to a job that covers the bills and funds the occasional travel, what ties him to existence?

Yes, maybe I am especially twisted since I am picky about socialization. But even the social butterfly of a friend of mine, who spends evenings soaked in alcohol does not have a goal. Even the travel freak who enjoys stays on treetops in a godforsaken jungle for days on end does not really have a goal. I argue that the burden of existence is so great that just running away from boredom is a full time activity in itself. After all, boozing and partying is not about an academic interest in the varieties of alcohol, its just a way to pass time in a fun way. Similarly, travelling, with all empty arguments of expansion of the mind etc etc, is not to chronicle the experiences in a travel journal.. its just a way to please ones own senses - visual, taste, nasal or physical.

I think two socially applauded ways people run away from boredom are work and marriage. Social constructs support both pursuits very well. But I think people who glorify work or their spouse's life as a goal in itself are just blissfully unaware that they are just puppets.

This discussion ties in to the patient mentioned above since I had to rush the last weekend to be at her side. And I realized after a day or two that there was actually nothing better that I could think of doing over the weekend if were free, than being there. I am not talking about a filial obligation. I am actually saying that the sense of purpose was so much more being there than anything else I might have done over the free days I had. Now that I am back, and I try to list what I can do with today's evening or the days to come, I unsurprisingly fall short of anything worthwhile that is not an excuse to cut through boredom.

I wish everyone well - them and their family. But if there are those few who find it tough to spend time when someone close gets sick, I would ask them to ask themselves if they really really have anything else to do that is not just a ruse to run away from boredom. If no, then be there for the patient. But if yes, indeed there is a non-anti-boredom goal that you need to suspend for being there, feel happy that your goal is truly worthwhile having been evaluated through strict conditions but still holding its ground.